crossing cultures: the life of one expatriate family in Guangzhou, China

Driving in car today, on a beautiful country road, through lush hardwood trees, freshly mowed hay meadows, and rolling hills: 

Person #1:  "I wish I were back in China." 

Person #2: "Why?"

Person #1: "I don't know.  China is just so unique.  It has a very unique culture." 

Person #2:  "America has a unique culture, too.  You just take it for granted because it's your own culture." 

Person #1:  "Yeah, right mom.   America has a very unique culture!"

(Then hilarious laughter from both of us, because just as I said that, we were driving past a house with about sixteen cars in the front yard, and then moments later -- while we were still laughing --  we drove past a bar which had a gas pump outside, had a whole bunch of pickup trucks in the parking lot, and was named, "Good Ole' Boys Bar N Grille".  Then, person #1 adds:)

"Your timing couldn't have been more perfect!" 

__________________________

In the grocery store this evening, I couldn't find my favorite crackers.  It's the second grocery store I've tried to find them, so I guess they've been discontinued.  In the meantime, there were so many other kinds of crackers that I didn't know what to pick.  Many new brands.  Same with my favorite salad dressing.  It's not there anymore.  Then I went to the bread aisle.  There were so many kinds. I couldn't remember my favorite brand, and I didn't know what to pick.  I couldn't even decide among the various grain combinations.  And then to the paper towels and the toilet paper ... wow, so many choices!  I think it was that confusing when I first went to China, but now I know what brands I like and so going to the grocery store in China is somewhat routine.  Not so here, anymore.  I found myself reading labels but still not really able to figure out what I needed.  I didn't expect a simple trip to the grocery store to be so bewildering! 

28 June 2008

I need to create a new category called "repatriation"!  I feel a bit like the guy landing with a parachute and we need to learn how to manage the landing so that feet touch the ground running without skidding along on our knees a bit. 

I knew there would be adjustment challenges, but I didn't know exactly what they would be.  Basically, there's always a tiny bit of culture shock no matter which way one flies across the pond.  But add this in to the fact that we're in a hotel and functioning without some basic infrastructure, and then add in that we are making big decisions on a short time frame, and therein lies the nature of my feeling like I'm trying to land with feet on the ground running rather than just bump or be dragged along by the parachute. 

The two biggies, of course, are that we need housing and transportation.  At the moment we're in a long stay hotel and have a rental car, both of which are quite expensive.  So, we need to make other arrangements as quickly as possible.  David's personnel manager had arranged for us to move into a short term, furnished apartment on Tuesday, but here's where the culture shock part came in.  The very first thing I noticed about that place was that it depends 100% on automobile transportation for almost every aspect of daily living.  It's not close to anything that one can walk to, except that it's next to an elementary school.  But even the walk to the school is across a weedy, vacant patch of land.  To get to a food store or really to anything at all, one would have to get in a car and drive.  Even if things were within walking distance, there is no sidewalk or other way to get to it without walking along the grass in the roadway.  They had a children's playground, but to get to the playground the children would have to walk through a parking lot, behind the parked cars.  And of course I could never let my child go outside there, anyway, for fear of kidnappers.  I took one look at it, and it just was so out of sorts with what I wanted long term that I just asked for some time to find something else.  Looking back on it, this wasn't really rational.  It was just for two months.  But I didn't want to live there, so they agreed to let us find something else. 

So we got in the the car and drove around, looking for housing.  It's all more expensive than I had realized.  And I don't have a cell phone to use to call when I see place for rent.  So, I figure, I need a cell phone first thing.  But the choices are overwhelming even in cell phones.  Here's another culture shock thing.  In China, it's so simple.  Here, there are all these different companies, and they all want a two year contract, so it's a relatively big decision which carrier and which phone to go with.  I also really resent it that they lock my phone down.  In almost every country in the world besides the USA, you buy whatever phone you want, and you buy a SIM card separately and put your own SIM card into your own phone.  If you want to change numbers, you just change SIM cards.  We've had our China SIM cards four years now, they've outlasted several phones, but whenever we travel we just buy a SIM card for the country we're in and wa-la, we have phone service in that country.  But here, no.  The companies have somehow beguiled the American market into accepting less than full ownership and control over their own, very expensive, and low quality cell phone service.  Well, I recognize that at some point I'll have to break down and do homage to one American carrier or another, but in the meantime I'm not ready to make a decision about that, and I do need cell phone service . . .

And there is such a thing as prepaid service, so I decide to just go get a prepaid phone from Wal Mart. 

So I go inside Wal Mart, and even among the prepaid phones there are about six choices to choose among.  It was overwhelming, so I left the store without a phone.  Of course, later when I couldn't make a phone call, I was kicking myself for not buying a phone.  So I asked Clarissa to get online and research cell phones.  On Friday, we got ourselves collected enough to go purchase a SIM card and prepaid service -- $50 per month for 400 minutes, but no long term contract.  A "Go Phone" from AT&T.  So now I can make a phone call.  They gave me a "free" phone with the SIM card.  It's such a horrible little thing that my four year old Nokia runs circles around it. 

In the meantime, I realize we're supposed to turn in our rental car on Sunday night (today), so while Clarissa researches cell phones, I research cars.   We've been out of the USA so long that I'm not even aware of what models there are.  Not quite sure what our needs will be this fall, and trying to anticipate what kinds of needs we'll have for transportation. 

I know we need at least two cars; we have four people in our family who are all needing to get to different places; and in the USA things are set up so that one really needs a car to get anywhere.  I have seen just a few city buses this week.  They are a rare sight and look terribly inconvenient, dropping people off on the corners of the busiest roads, where there are no sidewalks or places to walk.  They don't seem to go anywhere that I would need to be in my daily life.  Designed rather, it seems to me in my cynical thoughts, only to provide the most basic service to bring housekeepers from poor neighborhoods to some location from which they could walk to a rich employer's home.  The run down appearance of the buses, sparse service, and poor dropoff locations seem to send the message (in my cynical mind):  "you people who use the bus are poor, we don't really care about you, so we're going to give you really lousy service."  Correct me if I'm wrong.  But I don't see anyone clamoring to use the bus who has any other choice.

So, I get online and ask Sarah (my family car guru) to help research cars. 

In the meantime, there's still no house.  The rental houses look too small and / or too run down.  They have yards that need to be maintained, and the yards all look as if they haven't been maintained.  The houses in the downtown neighborhoods I had fantasized about are either too small (I wonder if even one piece of our furniture would fit in one room), or they are in a school district where I couldn't send my child to school.  For the sad fact is that schools in the "Deep South" are deeply divided by race.  Munchkin is my third child, and we've many years of experience in public schools.  As much as is made of "racism" by Whites against Blacks, and as deplorable as that is, our experience has been the reverse.  My children (and I) have often been the subject of Black against White racism.  I'm not going to put Munchkin in that situation, so our choice is limited to just a few school districts.  I had a fantasy of living close to downtown, in a location where I could get everywhere by bicycle.  But the closer we got to downtown, the more the racial profile of the schools shifted to where Munchkin would be in a minority and therefore the object of racially motivated hatred.  Rule out those neighborhoods.  In the neighborhoods where the racial balance was more even, the houses got smaller and smaller, to where I doubted that our furniture would fit in the rooms.  So, we went back toward suburbia a little ways. 

We didn't quite succumb to the worst of the white flight impulse and the schools and neighborhoods that are ten miles out from the city.  I view development fueled by "white flight" as being like ringworm.  And it affects most cities in the USA, not just cities in the Deep South.  (For instance, look at the growth patterns of Detroit with the nice "upscale" contrast of Ann Arbor; or look at Los Angeles and then San Bernardino.)  Does anyone know what ringworm is?  It's a fungal infection of the skin.  It starts as a spot on the skin and then spreads in a larger and larger circle, creating the appearance of a ring.  And it gets larger and larger.  That's how I view suburban sprawl.  Fueled by cheap gasoline and motivations to get away from "undesirable" others, everyone wants to build a larger house, a newer house, to be in a less diverse school, so the new development spreads outward from the city in a ringworm-like pattern.  As the new development spreads, it leaves behind blighted areas -- the areas that were hot new developments ten, twenty, or even thirty years ago.  Fortunately, not everyone thinks this way and abandons their houses.  We found a nice rental house in an area that was in the suburbs maybe in the 1960's but which is now securely somewhat of a "midtown" location.  I can still bicycle to everything, we just won't be quite in the heart of the city. 

So, I found a house.  Our furniture will fit in it.  Munchkin can go to the public school with no worries.   There's plenty of diversity, but she won't be the only child with light skin.  Now to narrow down the field in potential automobiles ...  a blog entry for another day.

Many Americans find that they are too large to wear Chinese size clothing.  For example, on a recent trip to a clothing market I was looking for a dress.  A small is something like our size zero to two.  A medium is a size four to six, and a large is a size 8.  An extra large is about a size 10.  Larger than this, and you'll have difficulty finding much. 

The good news is that in Guangzhou, it's very easy to have clothing made.  Near the Haiyin Bridge there is a fabric market.  First find a tailor and select an item of clothing from their photo catologs.  Then they will measure you and tell you how much fabric to purchase, then purchase the fabric.  Get a friend to help, especially a friend who can act as translator.  And don't take anything for granted.  One of my friends made a big mistake in that she just assumed the tailor would hem her dress the correct length.  The dress had been made by a seamstress outside, with finishing to be done by the girl in the shop.  But the girl didn't measure properly and cut so much off the bottom that the dress couldn't be salvaged.  So look carefully at the quality of the work in the shop, the styling, and notice if there seems to be a steady stream of local customers (or not). 

Be aware that unless you are a regular customer in the fabric shop, the asking price per meter will probably be about double the price the shopkeeper would charge to a local.  It is worthwhile to have a Chinese language speaking friend go with you to negotiate, or at least hold out for a lower price. If  in doubt, ask for a swatch of the fabric you are considering, take it to the tailor and ask whether it's a good choice of fabric and what is a good price.  The tailor often will know where to get the best price and may negotiate on your behalf.  Shopkeepers give tailors good prices because they know they'll be back. 

Occasionally someone asks me for the name of my tailor.  The tailor we use for men's clothing speaks some English (it's improving all the time).  His name is Leo and his phone number is 135-6022-6068.  He prefers not to have the overhead of a shop, he comes to the house.  The seamstress I personally use doesn't speak a word of English, and she's not the same person I'd use for an evening gown, but her prices are reasonable and she is very helpful.  She is in shop E46 in the building closest to the bridge.  Her phone number is 3357-4756. 

The seamstress I'd recommend for an evening gown is in the second building away from the bridge, on the first floor, near the manicure place and across from the shop that has nice linen.  Sorry don't know the shop number or phone number.  They are much more expensive but the quality is far superior for design and quality in women's clothing.  Of course there are many tailors and seamstresses and these are just three.  Choose carefully. 

Wow, it's a long flight.  This is about the 10th time I've made the journey halfway around the world.  This time, we left our hotel at 6 AM, were in the air or in airports about 30 hours, and then arrived in our hotel in the USA at 2 AM about 32 hours later.  Everybody has different ways of coping with this type of travel.  I mean, some people fly first class or business class.  That makes it easier, because one can stretch out a bit more and can actually sleep.  There are also different strategies for coping with jet lag.  I'll share what we do. 

First, be sure to pack your carry on luggage right and wear the right clothes and shoes.  For clothing, remember that it will be cold when you're flying at 40,000 feet but there will also be times and places when it will be hot.  So, layer with some lightweight clothes underneath and a jacket or overshirt that can be put on or taken off as needed.  It's a long time sitting in the same crowded seat and cabin, and the angle of your leg sitting in a seat and lower than the rest of your body is not great for circulation coming back up from the feet towards the heart.  Some people's feet swell so badly that they can't get their shoes back on after they take them off.  So, wear loosely fitting clothing, carry some loose socks, and wear loose, slip-on shoes.  Carry some slip on slippers (like they put in hotel rooms) for wearing during the plane ride, and change into the loose socks as soon as you are on the plane. 

I think I can count six different times that we went through airport security checks.  At each check, we had to remove our shoes and belts.  So, it's best to wear slip on shoes.  As your bag may be searched, it's also best to pack small items all in a plastic baggie so they can easily be located and also so they don't fall out all over the place as you empty your bag for the security officer. 

As odd as it may look to bystanders, I also try to find some discrete way to exercise and elevate my feet during any long layovers.  For instance, in the Tokyo (Narita) airport, there is a great lounging area on the downstairs level.  In contrast to the main level, it's remarkably un-crowded.  During a multi-hour layover on this trip, we were able to find some benches to lie flat on for awhile, but then I also lay on the carpet and did some leg lifts as well as some other floor exercises.  Yes, I'm sure it was a unsightly, but my body thanked me very much.  Some people take advantage of massage outlets in airports; I guess that depends on your budget and time.  (In terms of time, be sure to schedule at least a two hour layover when switching flights in an international airport or switching from international to domestic and going through immigration and customs!)

Your carry on should also include a toothbrush and washcloth so that you can freshen up in airports or in the plane.  A very small hand lotion and lip moisturizer can be nice.  The smallest sample sizes are allowed in your carry on but not anything big.  A change of underwear in case your bag gets lost. 

To reduce swelling in your legs, be sure to get up and walk around the cabin now and then.  Exercise and stretch as much as you can, even at times when you don't feel like you need to.  It's easy to just sit there on the plane, but your body will thank you later if you move around and stretch and exercise all your muscles from time to time.  Your tummy will also thank you later if  you keep meals light and reduce protein and fat consumption.  Just say no to alcohol, as well, and you'll feel better in the long run.  Drink a lot of water -- drink more than you think you need.  I don't even try to understand why.  Various reasons that come to mind are dry cabin air, sitting a long time, immobility, altitude.  But a flight like that affects basic metabolism; and the more water, more exercise, and less heavy food, the better. 

The other big issue is jet lag.  What works best for my family, in every trip, seems to be to sleep as much as possible.  On every flight over the ocean, a meal is served.  We wait until they begin serving this meal (because we don't want to get sleepy and then be waked up and not able to go back to sleep), and then we  take an over the counter, mild sleeping pill (e.g. Tylenol "Simply Sleep").  Then we try to sleep as much as possible on the flight.  (We carry our pillows on the plane, and use them, too.)  We all find that the more we sleep during the trip, the better rested we are when we arrive, and then the better we do overall.  Some people say to try to force yourself to stay awake to get on the new schedule, but we don't try to do this.  We sleep at every opportunity, we take the approach of "be kind to your body" and follow the signals of our inner clock as it readjusts itself.  You can count on an early evening "crash" time when you find it very difficult to stay awake.  So plan on it and just nap a bit then.  Also, plan ahead for quiet activities you can do at 4 AM if you wake up then.  Expose yourself to plenty of natural light, especially early in the morning, plan on sleeping early or taking a late afternoon nap each day, plan on waking up early in the morning, and adjustment comes very fast. 

We had a good trip over.  We were all able to sleep a lot on the plane.  We had some good layover time and were able to find comfy chairs in the airports where we could elevate our feet and rest our necks by getting a bit more horizontal than the airplane seats allow.  We arrived feeling relatively well rested, have slept enough here, and believe it or not feel almost normal in terms of being on schedule here!  It's been a good landing.  Just about the time I go home is when I've finally figured out how to do it! 

Wow.  Moving is an experience!  My hindsight for the day is to echo doubly, get everything out of the house that you don't want packed! 

I've heard of passports being packed, and guess what?  It almost happened to us.  Yes!  It really almost did!  Also, a suitcase was packed and ready to go out to the hotel, and David caught it just in time to stop it from being dropped into a freight box! 

The worst part is that we didn't get everything out of the house already that was give-away or trash.  We'd promised some things to people who planned to pick them up after the movers came.  I think their idea was that we'd take what we wanted and they'd see what was left to pick through.  Well, guess what?  Some of that got packed and we had to unpack and repack to get out what we didn't want and send what we did want.  I'm afraid there was more than one item that got shipped simply because it wasn't in the right place. 

And then there's the issue of labeling.  I couldn't be twelve places at one time.  The boxes are just labeled "books" rather than "music books" or "philosophy books" or "business books" as I would have preferred.  Similarly, the boxes from one bedroom that had things like art supplies and sleeping bags is now just labeled "bedroom".  I'm afraid that unpacking will be a nightmare. 

Fortunately, no neighbors chose today as the day to unload years worth of emotional baggage on me, as happened last time I moved.  On my last moving day, things proceeded well until mid afternoon.  At that point, my neighbor appeared and proceed to yell at me about hundreds of grievances she had accumulated over fifteen years of living in the same house.  The breaking point, for her, was that some of my "stuff" was over her property line and she felt it was unsightly.  (It was unsightly, but it was temporary and we were moving.)  Until that time, I thought we had been good neighbors and friendly.  It was already such a stressful day that I cried on and off the rest of the afternoon.  Then, the first moving crew thought things were going too slowly, so they called in a second crew.  The second crew didn't know what was to go where (storage or to China), but also they really did pack away my things that were laid out to go to China in my overnight bag!  (My camera, pillow, and Chinese language notebooks have been in long term storage for three years now.) 

Well, I figure if one survives moving day, that's pretty good.  We survived.  I'm going to find someplace to go for supper now.